The I-Was-Never-Here-Troll/Elf:
Maybe you don't know this, but some elves are rather creepy characters. Yeah, they can both creep and shrink and fly and land everywhere and sometimes they do all of it to mock you because they love to make nice kids naughty. Some even set out to deliberately harm people in a serious manner, but most often the fairy-codex of not killing humans makes them stop and then all their exploits turn into teasing and mockery. Not that that is much more pleasant because they sure are adept at no matter what they set their minds to do ....
One of the nastiest elves was little Tommy Drumstick. He had legs that moved so fast that it made him look like a I-Was-Never-Here-Creature and those are to be feared. When they don't like someone in the world of the humans they move in on them to disrupt their lives as much as they can and their fastness makes them virtually invisible so they are never caught. Actually, nobody would know they existed if it hadn't been for me telling you this right now.
Well, Tommy Drumstick was almost as fast as those guys and he was just as mean. His idol was Virgil-I-Was-Never-Here and he was the meanest human-torturer that ever was born so now you know whom he saw as the master of his teasing-craft. Just like his idol Virgil he sometimes didn't like a child for being too polite and nice so he went pinching the poor one until he or she got angry and neither nice nor polite anymore.
This was exactly what happened to Tina who was sweet as a doll, never did anything she wasn't supposed to do. Also she was very, very pretty. All the grown-ups adored her for being both pretty and nice, but Tommy Drumstick hated her for those very same reasons. He began to mess up her doll's house, ripped off the heads of some of her dolls and even bit the cat in the tail so that she was blamed for pinching it which was something she would never do.
Now, you must know that this cat belonged to Tina's sister Virginia who was 14 years old and at this time of her life was extremely preoccupied with her looks. Especially her hair made her very proud, and she washed and brushed it so often that it was a wonder it didn't come right off her head. Oh, but see that was exactly what happened. One day when her cat got pinched and bit to such an extent by Tommy Drumstick that the poor animal jumped at her she came to brush her hair too vehemently and off flew a big lump of it. All this fastness with brush and hair and movements scared the poor cat so much that it went at her once again and scratched her. Had Tommy Drumstick not been that fast she might have seen him standing there, laughing, but now the sound of his laughter just sounded like the wind blowing and the only one around was Tina. Yes, poor Tina was blamed for pinching the cat who ruined her sister Virginia's hair, and nothing could make the family believe that she hadn't done it.
"I don't know what to do," their mother cried on the phone to her mother, the beloved grandmother of the girls. "All of a sudden Tina is getting so unruly and Virginia is crying out her eyes over her hair. She is sure that no boy shall ever notice her the way she looks."
Her mother was a very tender and motherly woman who loved her two grandchildren very much so she got worried and decided to go visiting to see what was going on. The first she noticed was that everyone except the father of the girls were crying. All those tears made the rooms quite damp and, as we know, the dampness does something to old eyes like hers: Suddenly a movement in the atmosphere became visible. It looked a little like a flickering of a candle and she noticed it - and not only did she notice it, no, she remembered something from far back in her own youth. You see, she too had been a child, but it was very long ago. Still, a child she had been and she had known Tommy Drumstick when she was five and he was five hundred years old.
When the flickering happened once more and she saw the cat jump because he pinched it she said the secret word she had learnt such a long time ago and she repeated it three times: "Drumstick, Drumstick, Drumstick!" All the flickering stopped at once and a thin, timeless voice spoke out: "Yes, I'm here, who are you?"
"Drumstick, you naughty boy, don't you recognize me?!! Well, I'm Beatrice, your pal from some years back."
"What?! How can you - old as you are - be Beatrice? You are a foul pretender, so I better pinch you too."
"Hehehe - Go ahead, Tommy," she said laughing, "and then I shall .... no, that's too cruel even for you ...."
"How can you, old as you are, be Beatrice who was the loveliest girl in all the world? No offence, but you sure don't look like her."
"I am, none the less, Beatrice, and I remember us having much fun many years ago, but now you're being naughty, bothering my grandchildren and the innocent cat who never-ever scratched anybody before now ..."
"Grandchildren??!! No, that can't be, they are much too orderly to be related to my dear pal, the wonderful Beatrice."
"Yes-yes, I know what you mean, but their orderliness is from their father's side of the family. I assure you that my side isn't like that. We come from a long line of pirates and actors which makes us quite different. However, although much too pretty and prudent, I still love them and you are not to bother them ever again."
Tommy Drumstick thought all this over then he said: "Well, one of your granddaughters has become near bald and the other one is growing more and more angry so now they are not what you and all the other grown-ups like the most."
"Bald? Yes, but only temporarily and it's only good for her to be less vain. Life isn't about hair, you know. As to the little, angry one then she needed some fire in her personality because she really was too nice for her own good. Some naughtiness is constructive and she didn't have any, only prettiness and good manners."
"Ah, then maybe you thank me?"
"No, you monster-dear, you lovely demon, but I would like to kiss you."
"What?!!! Kiss me, but you're all wrinkled-up, yes, sort of crinkled!!!"
"And so what, at least I'm not invisible like you ..."
Tommy Drumstick flew up in the air and landed on her left shoulder and here he sat while he kissed her cheek three times.
"I better kiss you instead of you kissing me," he said, "I think that's the safest ..." All of a sudden he looked quite scared. "Yes, I might catch you and keep you as a pet," Beatrice said, chuckling with laughter. "And now you are to behave and be a good elf. Fly off and stop bothering my family."
"OK, I shall leave them be. Also because I need some more courses in the art of I-Was-Never-Hereness and Virgil - my idol - has accepted me as his first fairy-pupil."
"Splendid - I suppose," Beatrice said, a bit worried, "but no matter what, you're never to come back here, or else .... well, I know how to stop you Mr. D ...."
"Yes, well .... oh, what a bore you have become, Beatrice. You were such fun in the old times of us teasing your entire family. Do you remember ....?"
"Oh yes," she said in a sort of melancholy voice, "all too well. My poor parents, not to speak of my grandparents ...."
"Those were the days," he said - and then he flew off and was never seen again in that family. However, he proved to be a very diligent and adept pupil so before long other families had excellent proofs of his new skills in I-Was-Never-Hereness ....
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